she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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