Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
