i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
