she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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