I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
