He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize