I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
did you just send me my own nude
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
