You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
