I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
