Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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