i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
