There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
