The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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