FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
