I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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