Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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