i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
