i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize