did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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