He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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