I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
