we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If I die, sorry about rent.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
