yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
