yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
