I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
