Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
