Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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