I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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