I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
