i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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