I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
