So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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