My liver just broke up with me...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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