doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize