So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
