He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need water and some morals
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
