she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
COCAINE IS GR8
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
