Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
