i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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