the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
