why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I stole a fireplace last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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