I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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