I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
