He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize