Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
