isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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