so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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