i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
