and i looked up. we had an audience...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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