Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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