If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
