I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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