I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize