your room smells of hookers.
And success
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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