why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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