she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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