Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
