can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize