Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
