Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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