officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
