forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
