You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
