Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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