I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
two words: eviction party
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
