I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
