____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
