New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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