new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
