dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
